Foster/Adoptive Dad — Got a Minute To Chat?

November 18, 2014

ouradoptionexperience:

Here’s a post from a dad who adopted two boys when they were a bit older. It rings very true.

Originally posted on Parenting Traumatized Children:

How are you doing? No, I mean really… how are you doing? Behind that facade you’ve built. You see, I’ve been a foster/adoptive dad for a while and I know you struggle. I struggle. So, we have some common ground. I have boys. Do you have girls? Are they young? Teenagers? Doesn’t really matter, the issues are still the same. 

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Reflections

November 17, 2014

Foster care can be a tough gig for everyone involved.

Children are removed from their families.  Some go back.  Some don’t and are placed for adoption.  Some adoption placements break down for various reasons.

It is serious to remove a children from families.  Everyone is affected.  Children end up feeling angry and resentful.  They wonder what they have done to deserve this.

November is adoption month.

World adoption day has passed, with no comment from me.

Not everyone is called to foster or adopt.  It is difficult yet rewarding work.

Everyone can be provide some sort of support.  Be a friend.  Offer a listening ear.  Offer to watch the kids for a couple of hours so the parents can go and do errands or just be together alone.

Developmental phases

November 9, 2014

There are certain phases of life that parents dread.

One is the barrage of “Why?” questions, about pretty much everything in life.

Another is the tattling of siblings on each other.

From what I have heard, it seems the why question seems to pop up around the age of three.  Reid started asked it quite frequently within the last month or so.  Sometimes he’ll get a “Why not?” back.  He is approaching the age of five, but that milestone seems to be more consistent with where he is at.

This morning, as the boys were eating breakfast, Reid complained that “Tate is looking at me”.

Again, one of those annoying little things, but it is nice to see and hear these typical developmental milestones, even though it may be a bit late.

Sometimes phases seem to last forever, but eventually they will pass.

I read something quite recently, you never know it will be the last time you do something – tuck in a child, pick up a child, throw him over your head, or get ready to send them off to school….. elementary, high school, or college.

Time is slipping quickly away.

Stubbornness

October 31, 2014

Kids can be stubborn at times.

Sometimes, it is cute.

Other times, the floor opening up and falling in would be a relief from the absolutely overwhelming temper tantrum.

Ultimately, it does serve them as, it helps them move past obstacles that seem insurmountable.

It’s part of the human nature to respond to “You can’t do that”, with “Oh yeah?  Watch me.

Changing seasons

October 25, 2014

There are a few signs that fall is well under way and winter will be rolling in soon.

The days are becoming agonizingly short.  Arriving at work in the dark has been happening for a few weeks.

It is becoming cooler.  Jackets are a necessity, not an option.

The leaves have been scenic for a few weeks, and are almost down.

We took our last trip of the season today to Wonderland.

Before we know it, snow will be blowing around.

Status changes

October 20, 2014

It has been a busy year.

I haven’t been writing as much this year, as I have other years, for many reasons.

We have had a foster child since September, 2013.

It took about a month for him to adjust to our family, but things have gone pretty well.

Since August, he has been having more visits with his mom.  There have been some overnight visits since September, and they are becoming more frequent and longer.  The case goes back to court in late November, and it appears that he may be returning, likely by Christmas.

We have mixed feelings.  We can see that there are requirements and expectations that are not being met.  It looks like the agency is trying to get to to a point that there may be come concerns, but not at a unacceptable level.  Sounds confusing?  it took a few tries to land here.

So what’s ahead?  Good question.

Milestones

October 3, 2014

In the midst of our busy lives, it us important to be aware if milestones.

Yesterday (October 2) we celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary.

Two kids, four trips to Burkina Faso, and many other adventures later, we are happily married.

Fall has arrived

September 22, 2014

After a summer with !any days of poor weather, fall has arrived.

The weather forecasters are callimg for a warmer winter than we had last year. Like they know.

Getting into fall

September 16, 2014

We are starting to get back into routine with school.

Hockey is starting up again soon. Piano lessons have been going for a couple of weeks

Things are going to be crazy before we know it.

Our church is participating in The Family Project, produced by Focus on the Family. It looks like it will be a good series.

Reflections on the summer

September 7, 2014

The summer of 2014 was an unusual one, in many respects.

After a long, extremely cold winter, the weather gurus were calling for a hot summer.  They missed the boat.  There was one day that hit 30 degrees Celcius in June.  July and August were cooler and wetter than normal.

The days have slipped away.  And they are becoming shorter.  Last night, it was pretty dark by 8:30.  When it is cloudy, it can be very dark by 8:00.  The same thing has happened in the mornings.  Before long, it will be going to work and coming home in the dark.

It was a short summer, as school went untll almost the end of June, and school started in our area on September 2.

The last few days of August were nice and hot.

For the past several years, we have had passes to a local water park and Canada’s Wonderland.  We didn’t get to either one as much as we have in prior years.  LIfe has been busy this year, for a number of reasons.

We have had a foster child for just over a year, and he has been attending camps, activities, and visits with his family.

Reid has transitioned to kindergarten.  He has a modified day, as he gets picked up about halfway through the day.  He needs his sleep, and that helps him (and us).

Tate has moved into third grade in French immersion.  His teacher is impressed with him and his insights.

Activities will ramp up over the next few weeks.  This weekend has been quiet.  Hockey starts again in a couple of weeks. 

September brings a return to routine, and an opportunity to think about what things we like in our lives, and what behaviours and attitudes maybe should change.  In many ways, it is a more appropriate time for resolutions for change than January is.

It is important to be busy.  However, it is more important not to be too busy.  We need to leave margins, or space around the edges of our lives, so that we have room for things that come up, or go wrong.

Think about it ….. how often does an opportunity come up for something that we have to decline because we are too busy?