If we’re honest……

July 29, 2016

Secrets can hold a great deal of power, if we let them.

There are good secrets, like presents and surprises.  These secrets are usually kept for a short period of time, and because they are for a good purpose.

The secrets that have power tend to be darker, the things that we don’t want known from our past. People go to great lengths to keep things quiet and out of sight.

There are some things that shouldn’t necessarily be widely known.

We often go to great lengths to put up a front that everything is going well, even though things may becoming completely unglued.

The power of secrets is broken by being honest, with people that are safe.  These are usually close friends, with a relationship developed and tested over time.

Francesca Battistelli is a Christian artist. She released an album in 2014 titled “If We’re Honest”.   The title track is very powerful. Here’s a link to the YouTube videoIf We’re Honest.

When we admit to each other that we are a mess, we gain freedom. We don’t have to waste energy hiding our crap.  We can just be real with each other

It can be a long road to get to this point.

Not everyone is safe to be brutally honest with.

Still, it is important to be honest.

It takes too much energy to keep the walls from falling in.

To be honest, it is life draining.

The cumulative effect of things takes a toll over time.  In the last 18 months, we have received a significant diagnosis for each of our kids.  My parents have both had challenges.  Our extended family has been dealing with a number of challenges.  To be honest, I am worn down by all of these things.  But is necessary to keep moving forward, and finding a place where energy can be restored.  It can be a huge challenge, especially when it seems everyone wants one more piece.

In spite of this, life is still good.  God provides.

And energy is better spent on living, rather than keeping up the walls.


Summer goes by…

July 16, 2016

We’ve had some pretty hot weather over the past week or so. 

It’s been uncomfortable at times, but this the type of weather we wait all winter for. 

It’s really hard to believe that July is half gone. 

Before we know it, it will be September and back to school time. 

Until then, we just have to enjoy the weather. 

Work by design summit

June 4, 2016

Over the past few months, I’ve been reading a few different blogs, and picking up a few different tips about how to function more efficiently in all aspects of life.

The most recent resource I participared in was the Work by Design summit, hosted by Claire Diaz-Ortiz. Claire was an early employee at Twitter, and helped shape the experience.

Access is available to the Work by Design Summit here.

Your child doesn’t look like they have FASD ….

May 24, 2016

So far, we haven’t run into any major problems with people in the school system having an issue getting FASD and the accommodations needed that are spelled out in the IEP. Until recently. But that’s another story …..

Here’s a link to a post on confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com by Mike Berry,  Your child doesn’t look like they have FASD. This post summarizes many things we have experienced, or will likely experience in the future.

The issue of invisible disabilities goes far beyond FASD, or the autism spectrum, or many other acronyms.


Ten years 

April 27, 2016

This is a special day for us. 

Ten years ago, our baby was delivered. By a social worker. To our front door..

That little boy has become a bright, creative, energetic young man.


April 18, 2016

I was just looking total views, and it is closing in on 5,000. 

Not all days are as horrible as it seems

April 12, 2016

There are some days it feels like everyone is link get up to take one more kick, punch, stab, or whatever else. These days are just draining. 

I took the boys to buy a birthday card. Tate wrote his name, as usual. Then Reid wrote his name. I was surpriseded. There have been a few significant things happening recently. Progress happens step by step. 

I happened to hear a song on the radio recently that spok to me in the midst of challfesges. It was I will trust in You – Lauren Daigle

No matter what’s going on, we have tip trust in God to work things out. 

What about closed adoptions?

April 4, 2016

Much has changed around adoption in the past 40 or 50 years. 

Back in the old days, adoptions were often closed.  Little was known about the family of origin. 

There is a very broad spectrum between open and closed adoptions. Adoptions foster care system are often closed, usually related to safety issues. 

We have not met our oldest son’s family of origin at all. We have some information, but not much. He is aware he is adopted, and has been since he has been very young. 

We see our younger son’s birth mother a couple of times a year. There are other siblings we know of, but don’t really make contact. He doesn’t really know about the other connection. At some point, it will come up. We won’t hide it, but we won’t force the issue. 

Much less is said about closed adoptions. Here is a link to an interview, What an adoptee wants you to know about closed adoptions, an interview Mike and Krisitin Berry conducted with their daughter, Jaala. For more background information on their family and story, see Confessions of an adoptive parent

In adoption, no two situations are identical. Each relationship evolves over time, either closer or further apart. 

I have heard it said that different isn’t wrong. It’s just different. 

The long view on fostering

March 24, 2016

TIn the past few months, I have discovered a blog and website, confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com, with content written by Mike and Kristen Berry. 

Mike and Kristen have adopted eight kids, some with FASD. I have found the posts to contain a great deal of useful information. They offer advice from the perspective of those who have dealt with the screaming, yelling, stomping, chucking stuff around, fit that leaves the parent wanting to crawl into a hole. 

In addition to their written content, they also have a podcast that shares useful information. 

In their podcast episode released on March 23, Season 2, Episode 18 Interview with Tricia Collins, Mike interviews Tricia Collins, a former foster child.  

Many foster parents wonder if what they are doing makes a difference. 

Tricia shared it took a while, but it did make a difference. 

Check out th website and podcast. It can also be found on iTunes. Podcast link in iTunes

Special needs parenting – IEP

March 18, 2016

For the uninitiated, this is an individual education plan. 

This document is an important step in achieving success for children with challenges.  

It can take a fair bit of work to accomplish, but it is a big step in starting to access resources. 

Here is a linkhttp://www.lovethatmax.com/2016/03/tips-for-IEPs.html to a post from Love that Max, written by Ellen Seidman. 

It’s just one more part of the journey. 

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