Archive for the ‘Visits after adoption’ Category

Open adoption can be interesting

December 3, 2016

Our annual open adoption Christmas party was on Sunday afternoon. 

We picked up Reid’s birth mother, her husband, and her oldest daughter. Following logic, also his half sister. We last saw her over five years ago. She’s about four months older than Tate, but a school year ahead. We immediately noticed that his birth mother’s hair was dyed blue. 

It’s hosted by our local Children’s Aid to allow adoptive and birth families to connect at a neutral site. Everyone is invited to bring appetizers to share. 

It went pretty well. A fun time was had by all. 

As we were driving to drop them off, Reid asked, “Why is your hair blue?”  I just about busted a gut trying not to laugh.  We told him because It was dyed that colour. That’s good for now.  

On Monday night we were driving home a different way, which was by their apartment. Reid asked.”Who we pick up?”  I told him their names, as that’s who he knows them as. 

We’re not really sure how much of a concept he has about adoption, so we haven’t really told him. We’re not sure exactly what to say, but we will have to be prepared. 

Advertisements

Really busy days

October 5, 2013

There are times when it rains, it pours.

Today was a busy day for us.

Tate had another round of hockey today at 11:00.

Reid had his first trial on the ice in the Ice Pirates program at 12:15.

I took him into change room about half an hour early.  I got all his gear on fairly quickly.

After his skates were on, he took a few steps around.  They were pretty hesitant, but he did pretty well his second time on skates.  We tried once last year, and it did not go really well.

The time on the ice went well.  He spent a bit of time trying to walk and skate.  Much of the time, he was being pushed around on a device early skaters use to hold them up.

When it came time for him to come off the ice, he was not happy.  We weren’t sure if he liked it or not.  He was helping to take the stuff off, which was unusual.

We won’t really know for certain until we take him back next week and start to put the gear on.

After Reid had a much needed nap, we went on to our next activity.

We had been trying to get together with Reid’s birth mother since the summer.  We had made a couple of appointments, which hadn’t worked out.

We agreed to get together this afternoon at Chuck E Cheese.  It was OK, but it seemed like a really long time.  It is a really busy place on Saturday afternoon, and there are tons and tons of kids.  Quite loud.  By the time we left, we were definitely ready to go.

At the end of it all, it was a good day.

First day on the ice.

Another meeting with Reid’s birth mother.

And it all went well.

Life in the real world

August 13, 2013

We always think everything will go as we expect.

Then life gets in the way, and we get swept up in the details of what is going on.

We have been exchanging emails with Reid’s birth mother about getting together for our summer visit, but hadn’t nailed anything down.

Then, last night I get on the bus, and I see a couple of people waving at me.

It is her and her boyfriend.  Who says it’s not a small world when you run into someone on a random basis in an area of over 500,000 people?

I thought it was the perfect opportunity to settle it, so I called home and talked to Sandra.

Within five minutes, we had settled on a street festival on Sunday.

 

Open Adoption Christmas Party – the recap

December 1, 2012

It is truly amazing how different each adoption story is.

Even with our two boys, the stories are polar opposites.

We have never met any of Tate’s biological family.  We have no idea if that will happen at all.

On the other hand, we have met with Reid’s biological mother on several occasions.  Today, we picked up her and her boyfriend at a local Tim Hortons and took them with us to the party.  I wrote a bit more about it here.  To read about last years, read about it here.

It was a part of a really busy day, with hockey and a birthday party for Tate while we were there.

The biggest challenge is to keep a child who needs his nap has to sleep before his normal nap time happy and functioning around strangers and in a strange place.  Mission accomplished.  However, we left after two hours and made a stop at a Wal-Mart, mainly for the benefit of our guests.

We dropped them off at their home after it was done.  As a bit of irony, they live in the apartment building we lived in when we got married.

She has really matured in the last couple of years.  She has regular interaction with her first child.  That is a huge improvement from where things were six to seven years ago.

The family that adopted her second and third children has been very reserved in allowing contact.  They agreed to provide pictures if requested.  We talked to the worker today, and she is going to pass the message on to them.

We met with them just over two years ago, in the midst of the frequency of the visits falling off.  We haven’t made contact since.  Our adoption worker suggested it might be a good idea to help bridge the gap.

Their experience with visits was much more traumatic than ours.  Reid never really got upset after a visit.  Their daughter was a wreck, and it took at least a day for things to get back to normal.

It’s funny who you bump into on the street

August 20, 2012

Yesterday we met with Reid’s birth mother for a visit.

It didn’t end really well, as he ended up not feeling himself.

As I was waiting to catch the bus home tonight, she walked by and asked how he was doing.

I said he threw up, and was doing much better.

She said he must have had a concussion, and that made it better.  Wow.

I don’t think I have seen her downtown, at least recently.  Once again, completely random.

Summer meeting with birth mother

August 19, 2012

Being an adoptive parent brings some interesting things to the table.  There are as many different stories involving adoption as there are adopted children.  Our kids have two extremely different stories.

Today was an interesting, and somewhat unique part of how our story is playing out.

(more…)

Follow up visit

August 16, 2012

When we met with Reid’s birth mother before she waived her rights just after his first birthday, we agreed to meet with her so she could see him twice per year – once in the summer around her birthday, and at the Agency open adoption Christmas party in December.

(more…)

It’s a small world – part 2

June 30, 2012

Tonight I went out to pick us some things to carry us through the holiday on Monday, as we are going away on Sunday afternoon.

As I walked from the parking lot into the store, I saw a guy I thought I recognized, but with a different girl than I expected to see him with.  I didn’t think a whole lot of it.  This guy is Reid’s birth mother’s boyfriend.

(more…)

It’s a small world after all

May 1, 2012

We went up to the local mall to pick up Reid’s pictures from a couple of weeks ago.

We split up at the food court to get our meals.  Sandra and Tate went to get food.  Reid and I went to take advantage of $1 drinks at McDonald’s.  Not a bad deal.  All you can drink for a dollar.

While I was absently standing in line, I heard someone calling my name.  Reid’s birth mother and her boyfriend were having supper.  I talked to them for a couple of minutes, and said that I had to go and join Sandra and Tate for supper.

They found us in the food court, and we talked for quite a while we were eating our supper.

They were impressed by how much he has grown and started doing different things since we saw them last at Christmas.

It seems somewhat surprising that we bumped into them at the mall.  They live fairly close to the mall, on a main bus route.  We actually live quite close, as well.  We just don’t head up there that often.

We had a good visit with them.  Just under unusual circumstances.

It is fortunate that we have a good relationship, or meetings like this would be really awkward.

Adoption Christmas Celebration

December 4, 2011

Our local Children’s Aid Society (CAS), also known as Family & Children’s Services, hosted their 7th annual adoption Christmas party.

When we agreed to ongoing visits with Reid’s birth mother, one was to be in the summer around her birthday, and one was at this event.

At that time, the adoption worker told us it was likely that she would lose interest, as she had with a couple of her other kids.  In the months leading up to the agreement, she had missed several visits, and it seemed likely that would happen again.

In the summer, we got a call from the adoption worker asking about her summer visit.  We worked it out, and met her in the downtown park in our city.  We had a good visit.  She was sad to go at the end of the visit.

We met at the church hosting the party this afternoon.  This afternoon, she seemed to have matured in a way.  She was glad to seem Reid.  Some things have come together for her.  She is seeing her first child again a couple of times a week.  This seems to be one of many things that have turned around for her.

We had a good visit today.  She had bought some nice Christmas presents for Reid.

After the party, we offered to drop off her and her boyfriend to the downtown bus terminal to make for a quicker trip home.

I think it is quite progressive of our CAS to host this event.  Compared to experiences I have heard in other cities, our experience has been quite positive.

This morning, we told Tate we were going to a party where we would see Reid’s birth mother.  He asked if he could see his birth mother some time.  We told him we didn’t know.  We explained that each story is different.  His mom was probably so sad, it would be too difficult to see him.  He seemed OK with the answer.  For now.

Hopefully we’ll have a better answer in the future.

Our adoption experience is an ongoing journey.


%d bloggers like this: