Posts Tagged ‘open adoption’

Open adoption can be interesting

December 3, 2016

Our annual open adoption Christmas party was on Sunday afternoon. 

We picked up Reid’s birth mother, her husband, and her oldest daughter. Following logic, also his half sister. We last saw her over five years ago. She’s about four months older than Tate, but a school year ahead. We immediately noticed that his birth mother’s hair was dyed blue. 

It’s hosted by our local Children’s Aid to allow adoptive and birth families to connect at a neutral site. Everyone is invited to bring appetizers to share. 

It went pretty well. A fun time was had by all. 

As we were driving to drop them off, Reid asked, “Why is your hair blue?”  I just about busted a gut trying not to laugh.  We told him because It was dyed that colour. That’s good for now.  

On Monday night we were driving home a different way, which was by their apartment. Reid asked.”Who we pick up?”  I told him their names, as that’s who he knows them as. 

We’re not really sure how much of a concept he has about adoption, so we haven’t really told him. We’re not sure exactly what to say, but we will have to be prepared. 


What about closed adoptions?

April 4, 2016

Much has changed around adoption in the past 40 or 50 years. 

Back in the old days, adoptions were often closed.  Little was known about the family of origin. 

There is a very broad spectrum between open and closed adoptions. Adoptions foster care system are often closed, usually related to safety issues. 

We have not met our oldest son’s family of origin at all. We have some information, but not much. He is aware he is adopted, and has been since he has been very young. 

We see our younger son’s birth mother a couple of times a year. There are other siblings we know of, but don’t really make contact. He doesn’t really know about the other connection. At some point, it will come up. We won’t hide it, but we won’t force the issue. 

Much less is said about closed adoptions. Here is a link to an interview, What an adoptee wants you to know about closed adoptions, an interview Mike and Krisitin Berry conducted with their daughter, Jaala. For more background information on their family and story, see Confessions of an adoptive parent

In adoption, no two situations are identical. Each relationship evolves over time, either closer or further apart. 

I have heard it said that different isn’t wrong. It’s just different. 

Open Adoption Christmas Party

December 9, 2015

Reid and I attended the annual open adoption Christmas party with his birth mother and her fiance this past weekend.

It was the fifth time we have  attended this event.  We agreed to meet with her a couple of times a year when she consented to his adoption.

We have always been open with the fact that our kids are adopted.  It is a challenge to share what is appropriate, for both the age and developmental stage of the child.  Tate understands, and is comfortable with it.  He has asked some questions, but nothing too difficult. Reid hasn’t really reached that point where we can share much with him.

It is good to maintain contact with the family of origin.  I’m not sure if it will become awkward at some point.  Time will tell.

There are many families that attend year after year, and have a good relationship.  Hopefully that will be our journey as well.

Open adoption in the media

January 13, 2014

I have been following for a while. They cover a wide variety of adoption issues.

A post today talked about a TV show, based on the story about a reunion between a birth mom and the son she placed for adoption a number of years earlier.  Here is a link to the review.

The show is on TV Land, so it is likely on available in the US initially.

Really busy days

October 5, 2013

There are times when it rains, it pours.

Today was a busy day for us.

Tate had another round of hockey today at 11:00.

Reid had his first trial on the ice in the Ice Pirates program at 12:15.

I took him into change room about half an hour early.  I got all his gear on fairly quickly.

After his skates were on, he took a few steps around.  They were pretty hesitant, but he did pretty well his second time on skates.  We tried once last year, and it did not go really well.

The time on the ice went well.  He spent a bit of time trying to walk and skate.  Much of the time, he was being pushed around on a device early skaters use to hold them up.

When it came time for him to come off the ice, he was not happy.  We weren’t sure if he liked it or not.  He was helping to take the stuff off, which was unusual.

We won’t really know for certain until we take him back next week and start to put the gear on.

After Reid had a much needed nap, we went on to our next activity.

We had been trying to get together with Reid’s birth mother since the summer.  We had made a couple of appointments, which hadn’t worked out.

We agreed to get together this afternoon at Chuck E Cheese.  It was OK, but it seemed like a really long time.  It is a really busy place on Saturday afternoon, and there are tons and tons of kids.  Quite loud.  By the time we left, we were definitely ready to go.

At the end of it all, it was a good day.

First day on the ice.

Another meeting with Reid’s birth mother.

And it all went well.

Life in the real world

August 13, 2013

We always think everything will go as we expect.

Then life gets in the way, and we get swept up in the details of what is going on.

We have been exchanging emails with Reid’s birth mother about getting together for our summer visit, but hadn’t nailed anything down.

Then, last night I get on the bus, and I see a couple of people waving at me.

It is her and her boyfriend.  Who says it’s not a small world when you run into someone on a random basis in an area of over 500,000 people?

I thought it was the perfect opportunity to settle it, so I called home and talked to Sandra.

Within five minutes, we had settled on a street festival on Sunday.



January 25, 2013

We had a low key thing with just us for Reid’s birthday.

He got a couple of books with trucks and other big stuff, like tractors and trains.  And a really simple remote control Lightning McQueen.

And, today is the third anniversary of him coming home.

Even though it took over year for the adoption to become final, it is neat that we had from the day after he was born.

Open Adoption Christmas Party – the recap

December 1, 2012

It is truly amazing how different each adoption story is.

Even with our two boys, the stories are polar opposites.

We have never met any of Tate’s biological family.  We have no idea if that will happen at all.

On the other hand, we have met with Reid’s biological mother on several occasions.  Today, we picked up her and her boyfriend at a local Tim Hortons and took them with us to the party.  I wrote a bit more about it here.  To read about last years, read about it here.

It was a part of a really busy day, with hockey and a birthday party for Tate while we were there.

The biggest challenge is to keep a child who needs his nap has to sleep before his normal nap time happy and functioning around strangers and in a strange place.  Mission accomplished.  However, we left after two hours and made a stop at a Wal-Mart, mainly for the benefit of our guests.

We dropped them off at their home after it was done.  As a bit of irony, they live in the apartment building we lived in when we got married.

She has really matured in the last couple of years.  She has regular interaction with her first child.  That is a huge improvement from where things were six to seven years ago.

The family that adopted her second and third children has been very reserved in allowing contact.  They agreed to provide pictures if requested.  We talked to the worker today, and she is going to pass the message on to them.

We met with them just over two years ago, in the midst of the frequency of the visits falling off.  We haven’t made contact since.  Our adoption worker suggested it might be a good idea to help bridge the gap.

Their experience with visits was much more traumatic than ours.  Reid never really got upset after a visit.  Their daughter was a wreck, and it took at least a day for things to get back to normal.

Open Adoption – The Journey Continues

November 24, 2012

The open adoption Christmas party is next Saturday.

It’s a good opportunity for adopted children to remain connected to their biological parents.

We have made plans to pick up Reid’s birth mother and her boyfriend and take them along with us.  It is kind of surreal, but it works.

Summer meeting with birth mother

August 19, 2012

Being an adoptive parent brings some interesting things to the table.  There are as many different stories involving adoption as there are adopted children.  Our kids have two extremely different stories.

Today was an interesting, and somewhat unique part of how our story is playing out.


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