Posts Tagged ‘visits’

Open adoption can be interesting

December 3, 2016

Our annual open adoption Christmas party was on Sunday afternoon. 

We picked up Reid’s birth mother, her husband, and her oldest daughter. Following logic, also his half sister. We last saw her over five years ago. She’s about four months older than Tate, but a school year ahead. We immediately noticed that his birth mother’s hair was dyed blue. 

It’s hosted by our local Children’s Aid to allow adoptive and birth families to connect at a neutral site. Everyone is invited to bring appetizers to share. 

It went pretty well. A fun time was had by all. 

As we were driving to drop them off, Reid asked, “Why is your hair blue?”  I just about busted a gut trying not to laugh.  We told him because It was dyed that colour. That’s good for now.  

On Monday night we were driving home a different way, which was by their apartment. Reid asked.”Who we pick up?”  I told him their names, as that’s who he knows them as. 

We’re not really sure how much of a concept he has about adoption, so we haven’t really told him. We’re not sure exactly what to say, but we will have to be prepared. 


Cross cultural experience – at home

June 9, 2014

We have had a foster child, J,  with us since September.

It was a bit bumpy at first, but he settled in after a couple of weeks.

He comes from a Vietnamese background, and attends a Roman Catholic mass in Vietnamese.

We had arranged to take him a couple of weeks ago, but it didn’t work out.

There has been a bit of a shift with access visits over the summer.  The agency will still be supervising two visits per month.  We will be supervising visits at soccer.

We will also be taking him to attend the Vietnamese mass about once per month, as our schedule permits.

Sunday was the first day I took him.

It was definitely a different experience.

We attend an evangelical Protestant church, where the dress is quite relaxed.  I haven’t wore a suit to church in a very long time.

I felt very underdressed, compared to most of the adults there.

It was also a long service, close to two hours, as they were celebrating the ordination of a new deacon.

It was something different to sit through a church service conducted in a different language.

It was also different to attend a mass.

J loved seeing his family.  It was good for everyone to see each other.

After church. we went for supper with J’s mom and grandma.

It is good to see how other Christian denominations conduct their worship service.  It can also be part of fostering.

It was been over eight years since I did that, and we flew to Africa to do that.

Really busy days

October 5, 2013

There are times when it rains, it pours.

Today was a busy day for us.

Tate had another round of hockey today at 11:00.

Reid had his first trial on the ice in the Ice Pirates program at 12:15.

I took him into change room about half an hour early.  I got all his gear on fairly quickly.

After his skates were on, he took a few steps around.  They were pretty hesitant, but he did pretty well his second time on skates.  We tried once last year, and it did not go really well.

The time on the ice went well.  He spent a bit of time trying to walk and skate.  Much of the time, he was being pushed around on a device early skaters use to hold them up.

When it came time for him to come off the ice, he was not happy.  We weren’t sure if he liked it or not.  He was helping to take the stuff off, which was unusual.

We won’t really know for certain until we take him back next week and start to put the gear on.

After Reid had a much needed nap, we went on to our next activity.

We had been trying to get together with Reid’s birth mother since the summer.  We had made a couple of appointments, which hadn’t worked out.

We agreed to get together this afternoon at Chuck E Cheese.  It was OK, but it seemed like a really long time.  It is a really busy place on Saturday afternoon, and there are tons and tons of kids.  Quite loud.  By the time we left, we were definitely ready to go.

At the end of it all, it was a good day.

First day on the ice.

Another meeting with Reid’s birth mother.

And it all went well.

Life in the real world

August 13, 2013

We always think everything will go as we expect.

Then life gets in the way, and we get swept up in the details of what is going on.

We have been exchanging emails with Reid’s birth mother about getting together for our summer visit, but hadn’t nailed anything down.

Then, last night I get on the bus, and I see a couple of people waving at me.

It is her and her boyfriend.  Who says it’s not a small world when you run into someone on a random basis in an area of over 500,000 people?

I thought it was the perfect opportunity to settle it, so I called home and talked to Sandra.

Within five minutes, we had settled on a street festival on Sunday.


Open Adoption Christmas Party – the recap

December 1, 2012

It is truly amazing how different each adoption story is.

Even with our two boys, the stories are polar opposites.

We have never met any of Tate’s biological family.  We have no idea if that will happen at all.

On the other hand, we have met with Reid’s biological mother on several occasions.  Today, we picked up her and her boyfriend at a local Tim Hortons and took them with us to the party.  I wrote a bit more about it here.  To read about last years, read about it here.

It was a part of a really busy day, with hockey and a birthday party for Tate while we were there.

The biggest challenge is to keep a child who needs his nap has to sleep before his normal nap time happy and functioning around strangers and in a strange place.  Mission accomplished.  However, we left after two hours and made a stop at a Wal-Mart, mainly for the benefit of our guests.

We dropped them off at their home after it was done.  As a bit of irony, they live in the apartment building we lived in when we got married.

She has really matured in the last couple of years.  She has regular interaction with her first child.  That is a huge improvement from where things were six to seven years ago.

The family that adopted her second and third children has been very reserved in allowing contact.  They agreed to provide pictures if requested.  We talked to the worker today, and she is going to pass the message on to them.

We met with them just over two years ago, in the midst of the frequency of the visits falling off.  We haven’t made contact since.  Our adoption worker suggested it might be a good idea to help bridge the gap.

Their experience with visits was much more traumatic than ours.  Reid never really got upset after a visit.  Their daughter was a wreck, and it took at least a day for things to get back to normal.

It’s a small world after all

May 1, 2012

We went up to the local mall to pick up Reid’s pictures from a couple of weeks ago.

We split up at the food court to get our meals.  Sandra and Tate went to get food.  Reid and I went to take advantage of $1 drinks at McDonald’s.  Not a bad deal.  All you can drink for a dollar.

While I was absently standing in line, I heard someone calling my name.  Reid’s birth mother and her boyfriend were having supper.  I talked to them for a couple of minutes, and said that I had to go and join Sandra and Tate for supper.

They found us in the food court, and we talked for quite a while we were eating our supper.

They were impressed by how much he has grown and started doing different things since we saw them last at Christmas.

It seems somewhat surprising that we bumped into them at the mall.  They live fairly close to the mall, on a main bus route.  We actually live quite close, as well.  We just don’t head up there that often.

We had a good visit with them.  Just under unusual circumstances.

It is fortunate that we have a good relationship, or meetings like this would be really awkward.

Meeting postponed again

February 15, 2011

It seems like things keep going on and on.

We received an e-mail from the worker that deals with court that BM was sick and did not attend court on Tuesday.  The meeting scheduled for this Friday is likely off.

The visit for this week is off for sure.


Someone commented a few months back that they need to give BM a chance to show how committed she was.  This was when she was making 50% of visits scheduled a week apart.  She has not attended a visit since before Christmas.

The adoption worker commented that she loves her kids, and all she wants to see is that they are loved and in good families.  It is unfortunate that she is not able to parent, but truly, the best place for her kids is with families are able to care for them.

One year old!!!

January 24, 2011

Wow, he is a year old. Unbelievable.

And of course, another kick at the can for visits.

One of the workers called today, and visits will start again on February 2, and every second week after that. After about six weeks with no visits, he will see BM for two hours. In the last one hour visit, he cried for about 15 minutes before he settled down. He was upset when I picked him up, and he quickly settled down once he was in my arms.

Now, the worker will pick him up and drop him off – 10:00 to 12:00. At least it won’t be during his main nap time. Around lunch time may not be a winner. He has changed so much in the last month. Hopefully things will move forward quickly, but honestly, who knows.

His worker asked us to summarize how the visits went, and how he has been with other people as well. He is starting to make strange more than he did before.

More visits

December 22, 2010

Another visit happened on Monday. The worker said that he
made strange for about 15 minutes, but BM managed to distract him
and get him to settle down. He was still happy to see me when I
picked him up. He fell asleep on the way home, and stayed asleep
through having his snow suit off and being put to bed.

Protected: Visits revisited

December 9, 2010

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